


Give Me One Reason

by cyncyn1110



Series: And the Song Goes on [29]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean/Sam - Freeform, Dry Humping, Exile On Main St., Hurt Dean, M/M, S6 E1, Wincest - Freeform, djinn, souless sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 16:10:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7940836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyncyn1110/pseuds/cyncyn1110
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sam shows up a year later Dean can't understand why he waited so long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Give Me One Reason

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, this one was hard because I'm so used to writing Sam with so much emotion. Thank you all for being so patient with me. You truly make my life brighter. ❤️ (That's supposed to be heart, hopefully it worked) ;)

He could feel her watching him sleep... well fake sleep and it made his entire body itch. 

He couldn't do it, not tonight. Dean rolled away from Lisa and feigned a small snore that would hopefully get her to finally give up. 

He'd done it at first. Forced himself to fit into Lisa and Ben's life the best that he could and that entailed being with Lisa. It's not like he hated her. They'd had fun once, before Sam, and Ben was a good kid. But doing what Sam had asked of him before he sacrificed himself was slowly killing Dean. 

He didn't hunt anymore, but he couldn't shake the paranoia that didn't let him really catch any shut eye. His days were filled with a mindless job that he only did to get himself out of the house and chip in without running scams and hustling. He played the part of a father figure to Ben and that was really the only role he could play honestly. 

These days he drank a hell of a lot more, and that was saying something. In order to actually have sex with Lisa he had to be completely plastered, although he was pretty sure she noticed, she had never said anything about it. There was once when he was was certain she'd heard him moan Sam's name while he took her from behind but besides tensing up, she'd kept silent about that as well. 

The only thing that kept Dean going was his promise to Sam. He hadn't really kept the whole promise. He still dedicated a good portion of his time to trying to find a way to bust Sam out. He'd be lying if he didn't admit that another chunk of time went to replaying the moments he and Sam had taken for themselves, the times when they were able to hole up and take each other apart they way only they knew how. Sometimes Lisa would catch him in those moments and mistake the look on Dean's face. Most of the time he begged off, made an excuse, the times he didn't have the strength in him, he receded further into those moments searching out Sam's face every time. 

A soft sigh brought him out of his head letting him know that she'd fallen asleep so he took the chance to slip out of the bed that they'd been sharing for a year and crept downstairs to the kitchen where Ben ate cereal before going to school. In the cabinet above the bowls he found salvation from his suburban prison in the form of a bottle. He'd rather not bother with a glass but he always did just in case someone woke up to find him with his lips wrapped around the bottle. Dean sat down in front of the window and began his nightly routine which always ended with him picturing hazel eyes speckled with green and gold. 

\-------------------------------------

Dean sat up and stared at the one person he'd been dreaming up for a year. And just as he always did he reached out without hesitation only this time his hands brushed something solid and warm. He drew his hand back in confusion. 

"Hey, Dean. I was expecting, uh... I don't know, a hug, some Holy water in the face... Something."

"Sammy....?" Dean scrubbed his face and leaned back a little. "So I'm dead? This is Heaven? Yellow Eyes killed me, and now I get to be with you?"

Sam shook his head and gave Dean a small smile. "Yellow Eyes? That's what you saw?"

"Saw?" Dean asked still unsure of what was happening. 

"You were poisoned by djinn. So whatever kind of crazy crap you think you've been seeing, it's not real."

Dean lifted his hand again towards Sam. "So then are you....real? Or am I still...."

"I'm real. Here, let me save you the trouble." Dean watched as Sam cut himself with a silver blade then salted a jug of water before downing some.   
"Ugh, that's nasty."

"Sammy?" Dean could hear his voice cracking but his pride had long been forgotten. 

"Yeah, it's me." Sam took a step forward and was met by Dean who launched himself off of the cot he'd been sitting on, his hands wrapped around Sam's body and he let himself breath in Sam's scent. It was so much stronger than the clothes he'd kept hidden in the Impala for nights when he just needed to feel close to his brother, which was nearly every night. 

"God, I missed you." Dean captured Sam's face in his hands and kissed him with fervor, his kiss was returned with heat and Dean swallowed it up letting it course through his body and revive every cell that had been dormant since Sam had jumped into that hole. He moaned when Sam licked into his mouth, he could feel strong hands gather at the the small of his back and pull him forward letting him know exactly how much Sam missed him. 

Dean was more than a little surprised when Sam's hands wandered lower to cup his ass through his jeans then lifted him up as if he weighed nothing. He held onto Sam's shoulders as he was walked over to a wall and pinned against it by Sam's upper body, his legs were quickly lifted indicating that they should be wrapped around Sam's waist which allowed him to feel a familiar bulge pressed up against him.

"Jesus Sammy, been working out while you were down there?" The only response he got was in the form of Sam rolling his hips against him causing delicious friction against the matching bulge in Dean's pants. All he could do was moan and let Sam capture his lips as they moved against each other desperately. It felt frantic and fast but he knew they would have time for slow later, he could feel the buildup as a result of all the grinding and before he could stop himself he was shuddering against Sam's chest and coming in his pants like a teenager, two more seconds and Sam followed him over the edge. 

"Fuck, I missed you too, Dean" Sam's breath is a welcome heat against Dean's neck where he'd buried his face.

When Sam finally let Dean down and they were catching their breath the question that should have been asked before the orgasm began to pour from Dean's mouth. He pulled back and placed a hand over his brothers heart.

"Sam... you.... you were gone, man. I mean that was it.. How the hell are you..? Dean couldn't keep his hands from touching Sam as if to make sure he was real. 

"I don't know." Sam shrugged and shook his head just as lost as Dean was. 

"What do you mean you don't know?" 

"I mean no idea, I'm just back." Sam buried his face in Deans neck again while he said it causing Dean to lose focus for a second before he pulled back and held Sam's shoulders so they could actually have a conversation. 

"Well was it God? Or.. or.. or Cas? I mean does Cas know anything about it?" 

"You tell me. I've been calling, Cas hasn't answered my prayers. I don't even know where he is. I mean, I was down there, and then next minute it's raining and I was lying in that field alone. It's kind of hard to go looking for whatever saved you when you've got no leads. But I looked, believe me I looked..... for weeks."

Dean's eyes snap up to meet Sam's at that last part. "Wait weeks? How long you been back?" Sam looked away but Dean gripped his chin and forced him to make eye contact. "How long have you been back, Sam?"

"About a year." Those hazel eyes speckled with green and gold stared back at him as if they hadn't just stuck a knife in his chest. 

"About a year?" Dean spat as he stepped out of Sam's arms. 

"Dean..." Sam reached for him but he took another step back. 

"You have been back practically this whole time? What did you lose the ability to send a friggin text message?" Dean was yelling, he couldn't seem to catch his breath and yelling wasn't helping. 

"Dean, you were at peace, I wanted you to have apple pie, you finally had it."

"I wanted my brother alive! I wanted my lover in bed with me at night! I wanted you, Sam."

"C'mon. You had the wife and kid. I couldn't just rip you out of that to bring you back into the shit show that has always been our lives. I'm sorry, it just felt like after everything you deserved some regular life. If I had shown up you would have just run off. 

"You can't just make a decision like that. I am always going to choose you. If you think this is what I deserve than you should know that I drink more than I ever have, I crashed their lives and I pretend to be what they need, but inside, I'm fucking dying Sam. Or maybe I died when you jumped, but this here, what I've been since you left is just a shell."

Dean ran his hands over his face to wipe away the tears that had gathered in the corner of his eyes. "Fuck, I can't believe...." Dean collected himself then regarded Sam again. "What have you been doing?"

"Hunting....." Dean could tell Sam was holding something back. 

"You left me alone and you were flying solo?"

"Not solo." 

Oh hell no.

\-------------------------------------

Dean couldn't seem to catch his breath. He was standing at the top of the stairs in Bobby's house preparing to have a talk with Lisa who he had just dragged into the shit bag of disaster that came with being a Winchester and he couldn't fucking breath. 

Bobby knew.

Bobby knew for a whole year and never once thought about telling Dean. The same man who watched him cry over the lifeless body of his brother a few years back let him believe that Sam was still in hell. Dean could not figure out why everyone in his life felt that they knew what was best for him. Knowing that Sam had been out hunting with people he was calling family while he left Dean rotting in suburbia was unbelievable. 

He was interrupted from his pity party by a small hand patting his shoulder. He looked up to see Lisa watching him with worry in her eyes. 

"Hey, uh... how's he doing?" He motioned to the room that Ben was resting in. 

"He's ok, how are you?" The fact that she even asked after what he'd just put her through made what he was getting ready to do so much harder. 

"Look, I know Bobby's a little crotchety, but he's great. He's gonna look after you guys. Me and Sam... we're gonna head out."

"For how long?" Her eyes said that she already knew that answer. 

"I'm so sorry Lisa." Dean lowered his eyes in shame.

"For what?" She got further into his space and he had to fight his instinct to step back.

"Those things were coming for me and I should've known."

"How could you know a monster was gonna show up?" She raised a hand and placed it on his face. 

"I should've known. I should've known that if I stayed with you that something would come, because something always does." Dean took her hand and squeezed it before letting it fall. "But I was stupid and reckless and.... you can't outrun your past." 

"You're saying goodbye." Her tone wasn't surprised. 

"I'm saying sorry.... for everything. Everything." He met her eyes and could see that she knew that he was apologizing for not being what she deserved for the last year.

"You're an idiot, I mean I know it wasn't greeting card perfect, but we were in it together." The hope in her eyes left him feeling sick.

"I was a wreck half the time, the rest I was..." Dean couldn't bring himself to admit what it was really like for him, that would just be rubbing it her face.

"Yeah well the guy that basically just saved the world shows up at your door, you expect him to have a couple of issues. And you're always so amazing with Ben. You know what I wanted more than anything was a guy that Ben could look up to like a dad. So you're saying it's all bad, Dean? Cause it was the best year in my life." 

"How can you say that?" Dean shook his head incredulously. 

"It was. We are good together, the three of us as a family, we can work on the rest, Dean." She raised her hand to cup his cheek again and began leaning forward to meet his lips in a kiss. 

They were interrupted by a creaking step at the bottom of the stairs and Dean turned to find Sam watching them with unapologetic eyes. "We should go Dean." He spoke in monotonous tone giving Dean the impression that he wasn't happy about the exchange he'd just walked in on. If Dean was a different man he would have kissed Lisa, he would have given Sam a show for not coming back for him, but he couldn't do that to her. He'd already done too much. Instead he offered her another "I'm sorry" and walked downstairs past Sam who was rooted to the spot with his eyes on Lisa the entire time. 

He walked to the the front door and turned to see Sam still staring at the top of the stairs. For some reason a curl of worry weaved through his gut.

"Sam! C'mon let's go!" His brother looked over at Dean and nodded once finally moving out of the door ahead of him.

\-------------------------------------

"Why are you doing that?" 

Dean looked over from his spot by the kitchen window to where Sam was leaning with his back against the counter. "Doing what?"

"Avoiding me, Dean." 

"I haven't been..." He looked back out the window towards the tree where the djinn were holing up. 

"You've managed to stay out of reach since you found out I'd been back for so long. Come over here." Sam's voice was like a sirens call, his body wanted to react so badly but he fought it. 

"Yeah, well you wanted me out of reach didn't you?" He couldn't help the hurt that his voice carried but he didn't care, he just turned back to the window. 

"Dean..." He could hear Sam moving behind him. "It wasn't like that, I missed you too. I just...."

"Yeah, I heard you and Bobby, out of the life." He said bitterly as he scrubbed his hands over his face. "So this is all crazy. I mean you, Grandpa. Whoever brought you back...."

"They don't want to be found." He could hear Sam answer just a few feet behind him. 

"Yeah I get that. But who are they, and what do they.." Dean heard him move a step closer. "What do the want? Why?"

"That's a good question." Sam's voice was so low that it felt like they were lying in bed rather than watching for djinn's in Lisa's kitchen. He could feel the tension between their bodies. It was a heat that had always existed and a year apart hadn't done a thing to weaken it. 

"Do you remember it?" Dean asked quietly.

"What?" the voice that was tearing him apart was closer still. 

"The Cage." 

"Yeah." Dean knew he was trapped when he felt Sam's response on the back of his neck. 

"You want to...."

"No." He felt Sam retreat a little and although logically that was what he wanted his body felt the loss. 

"Well if anybody can relate..."

"Dean, I don't want to talk about it. I'm back. I get to breath fresh air, have a beer, hunt with family, see you again....." He slid his arms around Dean's waist pressing their bodies together so Dean could feel exactly how he felt about that rubbing against his ass. "So why exactly would I want to think about Hell?" The last bit was spoken against Dean's neck and while normally it would have made him putty in Sam's hands it had anger coursing through him instead. He shoved Sam back and turned away from the window. 

"Oh, is that what this is going to be? You hunt with your family and I stay here as what? Something you come and do in between jobs?"

"No I didn't mean it that way..." 

"Go fuck yourself Sam, I am not some..." He couldn't finish because out of the corner of his eye he saw his neighbors being attacked so he ran.  
\-------------------------------------

"So, Samuel and the cuzzes?" Dean asked as he walked around trying to straighten up the living room. 

"Don't know. They left in a hurry. I'm meeting them back at their place. You, uh, you coming with me?" 

"No." Dean met Sam's eyes figuring it would be best to get it over with. "No, I'm going back for Lisa and Ben."

"I thought you said..."

"I did. I changed my mind." 

"Look, I practically shoved you at them." Sam took a step towards him but didn't reach out.

"That's a funny way to put it, but all right." Dean couldn't help the bitterness that crept out in the statement. 

"I'm just saying, I really wanted that for you. And when I told you to go, I thought you could have it, you know? But I'm back and I want you back with me. It was a mistake to leave you here. And you have to consider the fact that you'll be putting them in danger if you go back."

"So what, it's better to leave them alone, unprotected, and then they're not in danger? I did this to them. I made them vulnerable the moment I knocked on their door, and I can't undo that. But what I can do is go with the best option."

"Since when am I not you're best option?" The asshole actually smiled at him. Dean shook his head and before he could speak Sam continued with his hands held up in front of him. "Alright, I hear you. I guess I just wish you were coming, that's all."

"Why, Sam? What's different now than a year ago? Why do you suddenly want me around?" Dean moved closer to Sam and damn the younger Winchester for not stepping back.

"Don't be stupid." He said it quietly and Dean almost gave in. 

"No Sam, I mean it. I mean it's obvious you don't need me. Not like I needed you." His voice betrayed him by shaking but he didn't give Sam the chance to respond. "And you know plenty of good hunters. I'm rusty. I did something seriously stupid running out after the neighbors. I almost got us both killed. 

"I do need you, and running out like that, that's exactly why I want you." Sam reached a hand out but Dean backed away. 

"What are you talking about?" 

"You just went. You didn't hesitate. Because you care, and that's who you are. Me? I wouldn't even try."

"Yes, you would." 

"No Dean, I'm telling you, it's better with you around. I'm better with you around. That's all."

Dean watched his hazel eyes as he said it but something was missing. It wasn't enough to convince him that Sam really wanted them and what they were.

He dug into his pocket and pulled out the keys to Baby. "She should be hunting. Take her." 

"Thanks. Really. But I already got my car set up how I like it. I should hit the road."

That hurt more Dean than it should have but he offered to walk Sam out anyway.

As they stood in the driveway he could tell Sam wasn't sure of what to say so he offered a weak "keep in touch, you hear?" He expected a hug or some kind of contact instead he got a nod.

"Course. It was really good to see you again, Dean." 

Watching Sam walk away was just as bad as watching him disappear into the ground. Dean turned around and walked back into the house and headed straight for the kitchen. No one was home so no one would care if he didn't bother with a glass.


End file.
